During the 4th Heterotopia Tour in Portugal, we had the opportunity to discover a very important tool, that of Nonviolent Communication (abbreviated NVC), which made us reconsider the way we approach our relationships with the people around us, but also with ourselves.

NVC model is based on the idea that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and when they do not recognize more effective strategies for meeting needs, they have recourse to violence or harmful behavior. NVC reminds us what we already instinctively know about how good it feels to authentically connect to another human being and consists of four components and two parts.

The four components are: -observation; observing what we perceive with our senses, without being colored by our ego and judgment -feeling; identifying our emotions in every situation and distinguishing them from the mental process -needs; understanding our own and other’s needs and values -request of specific actions that is free of demand.

The two parts are empathy and honesty. Adopting an empathetic behavior towards others, that goes beyond mere compassion, means truly connecting with what’s alive inside the other person, “emptying the mind and listening with our whole being.” That also requires an honest connection with ourselves in order to understand and express our own feelings, thoughts and needs, that are time and context specific.

The essence of NVC can be summed up in this sentence: “When I see that I feel because my need for is/is not met. Would you be willing to __?”, which can be used as the basis for approaching our communication with other people in a non-violent way.

It is said that naming a need in addition to a feeling makes it less likely that people will think you are making them responsible for your feeling. Similarly, it is said that making a request in addition to naming a need makes it less likely that people will infer a vague demand that they address your need. The components are thought to work together synergistically.

All the above are only a small part of a process that is constantly evolving, both in an individual level and within a team. The attempt to apply NVC in daily interpersonal relationships constitutes a challenge for each one of us. Realizing the change of how we connect with other humans, but also with the different aspects of ourselves can be the fuel in order to continue following different paths of communication between us.

“Nonviolence is not a garment to be put on and off at will. Its seat is in the heart, and it must be an inseparable part of our very being.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Anastasia Dima-Konstantina Marga